Dear Brooke Allen,

Being pregnant is odd.

There are lots of things that happen in pregnancy that I just wasn't prepared for.

Yeh, I read a book. I frequently visit a website with message boards so we can compare "Is this happening to you" situations.

But still.

Someone should have warned me.

Like about the back pain. It sucks. All over.

Or that you wake up randomly in the night, not to pee, but to just lay there, wide awake, drenched in sweat.

The headaches of first trimester.

The anxiety of choosing bottles and nipples and formula.

How the baby runs out of room in your belly about 34 weeks in, but she's still growing, so the pressure HURTS every time I breathe or we hit a bump in the car.

Constipation.

Heartburn.

Seasickness.

The asanine things people say to you:

At 33 weeks: "You look like you're about to pop!"

*AWKWARD SILENCE AND STARING*

"Nope, still have about 7 more weeks left."

"Sleep now before that baby gets here because you'll never sleep again!"

So you're telling me there's a secret box somewhere where I can store up sleep now to use after the baby gets here? AWESOME!!!!!

"Oh you're pregnant? Let me tell you a 15 minute story about my daughter who they had to do an emergency c-section at 25 weeks and she and her son almost died. He spent the next 2 months in NICU and my daughter had to have a complete hysterectomy. Did I scare you? I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Are you going to get rid of the dog once the baby gets here?"

First trimester, can hardly hold my eyes open, and I'm struggling to keep from puking:

"OH I just LOVED being pregnant! I would do it ten more times if I could!"

Really? Could I punch you ten times in the face to make up for it?

And my all time favorite:

Toothless guy in the Publix checkout line points to a tabloid cover with emaciated Angelina Jolie on the cover saying 98 pounds and Pregnant.

"Good thang ya ain't that skinny. Too small ta be hafin a baby."

Geez, toothless guy! You really know how to make a girl's day!

There are times when I look down at my belly and actually SEE Brooke Allen rolling around in there. And it dawns on me...

SHE HAS TO COME OUT OF THERE.

Yes. A human. Growing in my belly. Has to come out. Large baby. Small space.

We watched the video. I understand the logistics. But how is this going to happen to me? My body is really going to do that?

My mind conveniently switches back to Genesis and the fall of man...you know, the part when God tells Eve that childbirth shall be a curse among women?

Eve just HAD to take a bite of that fruit.

I know, I know. Women have been having babies since the Eve had Cain and Abel. I get it.

But it doesn't mean it doesn't suck.

It doesn't mean that I've questioned whether I want to actually do this a few more times like Ben and I have planned.

It doesn't mean that I don't lay in bed and cry because I want to go to sleep and Brooke Allen is practicing her floor routine.

And then I see what is obviously a foot sticking out, distorting what used to be a fairly flat tummy like the movie Alien. So I push on it...and she kicks me back.

Then it all comes rushing back why I did choose to do this, and probably will do it a few more times.

Our BABY is in there. The baby that God chose for Ben and me.

The baby that I love more than anything I've ever loved before, and I've never even met her.

And I know that love will multiply by billions when I see her face for the first time.

So gladly, Brooke Allen, I will sacrifice my body, my sleep, and my emotions for you.

I would do it ten more times if I could.

Because I love you already.