Who am I?

Have you been watching/reading/hearing about Japan's tragedy?

I'm not. I refuse to.

As much as I typically lack in the sympathy area, the photos, stories, and news bits about the tsunami make my heart overflow with sadness and empathy.

And guilt.

Guilt?

Yes, guilt.

Guilt because I sit here on my couch on my day off from my relatively easy job.

Guilt because I know where my husband is because he just texted me.

Guilt because my family is safe in their respective places on this earth.

Because tomorrow, I will more than likely wake up again.

Because my house is sitting on dry land with the birds chirping outside.

Because I can go outside to my car and drive around any time that I want to.

Because the only errands I have to accomplish today are taking the comforter to the dry cleaners and folding a mountain of laundry.

Because I complain about the measly things in life that are so easily fixed, like my bank being idiots and not putting my paycheck in last night.

Because I know that my earthly father resides with my Heavenly Father.

Because I am safe, healthy, and happy, while God allows so many to not be.

Why, God, why am I chosen to live so easily? So carefree?

There are people in places who do not know where their mother is because she's been washed away by flood waters. They do not know where their next meal is coming from or when it is coming. They do not know if a guerilla soldier will bust down their door to rape and plunder in the next five minutes. They do not have any other way of life but crime or prostitution.

They do not have understanding of a merciful and loving God, only gods who do not exist.

Why am I chosen?

I have done nothing to deserve this life that I live. Sure, I was born into a family who has generally always been "middle class" by American standards. I am educated to work hard at my job to create this life that I live. I have a home, a car, a bank account, a family, a husband, a dog, and food in my fridge.

I live my life free of worry.

But I did not earn it. I was blessed with it.

Am I supposed to feel guilty for this?

I have no control over rain and floods. I cannot stop the horrible things that happen to people. It is not possible for me to provide a meal to every single starving person.

Is anyone else experiencing this guilt, or am I the only one?

Maybe I am more sympathetic than I thought.

All I can do is pray.

Pray for God to save a culture of people who, as a whole, do not believe in Him. Pray that He will work miracles for these people who will never give Him the credit for it. Pray that if there is anything I can do, no matter how small, that I will do it. Pray that those people who are there who do know Him will be able to reach more because of this tragedy. Pray that our own nation will rise against the wicked path that we are walking and again return to the God of creation.

And I will be thankful for this blessed life that I live.

Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day.

My prayers shall be those of thanksgiving and praise, even when I feel like my small, cushy world has been turned upside down.

Because this small, cushy world is not mine.

RANDOM TRIVIA FACT: There are still almost 8,000 people reported missing in Japan, and over 5,000 already confirmed dead. This is one of the largest death tolls in natural disaster history, and it is not completed.