Who am I?

Have you been watching/reading/hearing about Japan's tragedy?

I'm not. I refuse to.

As much as I typically lack in the sympathy area, the photos, stories, and news bits about the tsunami make my heart overflow with sadness and empathy.

And guilt.

Guilt?

Yes, guilt.

Guilt because I sit here on my couch on my day off from my relatively easy job.

Guilt because I know where my husband is because he just texted me.

Guilt because my family is safe in their respective places on this earth.

Because tomorrow, I will more than likely wake up again.

Because my house is sitting on dry land with the birds chirping outside.

Because I can go outside to my car and drive around any time that I want to.

Because the only errands I have to accomplish today are taking the comforter to the dry cleaners and folding a mountain of laundry.

Because I complain about the measly things in life that are so easily fixed, like my bank being idiots and not putting my paycheck in last night.

Because I know that my earthly father resides with my Heavenly Father.

Because I am safe, healthy, and happy, while God allows so many to not be.

Why, God, why am I chosen to live so easily? So carefree?

There are people in places who do not know where their mother is because she's been washed away by flood waters. They do not know where their next meal is coming from or when it is coming. They do not know if a guerilla soldier will bust down their door to rape and plunder in the next five minutes. They do not have any other way of life but crime or prostitution.

They do not have understanding of a merciful and loving God, only gods who do not exist.

Why am I chosen?

I have done nothing to deserve this life that I live. Sure, I was born into a family who has generally always been "middle class" by American standards. I am educated to work hard at my job to create this life that I live. I have a home, a car, a bank account, a family, a husband, a dog, and food in my fridge.

I live my life free of worry.

But I did not earn it. I was blessed with it.

Am I supposed to feel guilty for this?

I have no control over rain and floods. I cannot stop the horrible things that happen to people. It is not possible for me to provide a meal to every single starving person.

Is anyone else experiencing this guilt, or am I the only one?

Maybe I am more sympathetic than I thought.

All I can do is pray.

Pray for God to save a culture of people who, as a whole, do not believe in Him. Pray that He will work miracles for these people who will never give Him the credit for it. Pray that if there is anything I can do, no matter how small, that I will do it. Pray that those people who are there who do know Him will be able to reach more because of this tragedy. Pray that our own nation will rise against the wicked path that we are walking and again return to the God of creation.

And I will be thankful for this blessed life that I live.

Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day.

My prayers shall be those of thanksgiving and praise, even when I feel like my small, cushy world has been turned upside down.

Because this small, cushy world is not mine.

RANDOM TRIVIA FACT: There are still almost 8,000 people reported missing in Japan, and over 5,000 already confirmed dead. This is one of the largest death tolls in natural disaster history, and it is not completed.

What a man!

Katie at Prayers for Ben did this fun survey about her husband, Ben (yes, same names).

I thought it was fun to do about MY Ben!

Oh, and check out Prayers for Ben. They have an incredible story.

A to Z on Ben

A. Age: 25.

Will be 26 on July 10th!

B. Bed size: Queen.

But he hogs it.

C. Chore he dislikes: Laundry.

HATES IT.

D. Dogs: Sweet Charlotte

But when we get a bigger yard, he wants a Golden Retriever.

E. Essential start to your day: Bathroom and then morning news.

i.e. Sportscenter

F. Favorite color: Red

Like his old Mustang.

G. Gold or silver: Silver

But his wedding ring is white gold.

H. Height: 6' even.

Perfect.

I. Instruments you play(ed): HA! He played the trombone in middle school band!

He wanted to play drums, but he has no rhythm. :(

J. Job title: Moving guy from a moving company

Praying to be a State Trooper

K. Kids: Not yet!

But hopefully sooner than later!

L. Live: Birmingham.

Not Dothan.

M. Mom's name: Brenda and step-mom Robbie

Love them both!

N. Nicknames: B by his family, Bef or Benny P by his friends, and Boosef by me!

Or Slice, Baby, Babe, Ben-Jammin or Benny Benny Boop Boop Be Doop.

O. Overnight hospital stay: Hasn't had one.

He still has his tonsils and everything.

P. Pet Peeves: Bad drivers

Common phrases used while driving: "Pee or get off the pot," "You're on the interstate!" and " "You're an idiot. Read the signs!"

Q. Quote from a movie: "I feel the need. The NEED. FOR. SPEED!"

We watch Top Gun at least once a week in my house.

R. Ranch or bleu cheese: Ranch

If he has another choice, it's usually Thousand Island.

S. Siblings: Two older step-brothers, and one younger half brother

So much fun.

T. Time you wake up: If he works, EARLY.

If he doesn't work, Charlotte makes him get up right after I leave at 8!

U. Underwear: He has a lot that vary.

He has boxers, boxer briefs, bike shorts, red ones, blue ones, striped ones, holey ones, and ones with suggestive designs.

V. Vegetables you don't like: Beans. Any kind of beans.

Except green beans. And baked beans, but those don't count.

W. What makes you run late: ME.

And it drives him nuts.

X. X-rays you've had: Teeth.

Not just normal dentist x-rays. He ripped some teeth out in a basketball net one time.

Y. Yummy food you make: STEAK...

Seriously. He's a great griller.

Z. Zoo animal: He HATES the zoo.

No kidding. Won't take me there. "Why do I want to look at some stinky animals just sitting around?"

THAT'S MY MAN!!!!! Love him so!

Stay tuned for my version!

ANDOM TRIVIA FACT: St. Patrick was not even IRISH! He was Welsh, but is the patron saint of Ireland for driving the snakes out!

In the Meantime

"No Mom Talk Monday?"

I'm not a Mom, so I have no problems with this, considering the only Mom I ever talk about is my own.

Anyways, the premise of Courtney's "No Mom Talk Monday" post today was about some of her most vivid childhood memories. I think that's pretty cool, so I thought I'd relive some of my own...

This is a long one.

We had a baby-sitter named Michelle, who had a little brother named Woody, who was my brother's age. Our families were/still are very close. Whenever Michelle came to baby-sit us, Woody would come, too. Woody and Wes would disappear into Wes' room, I'm sure to play video games (or was this too long ago for video games?) or something...not this night.

Michelle and I were in my room (I'm sure playing Barbies or school or the like) when we heard this *CRASH* and a few screams. We ran into Wes' room to find blood all over the floor and Wes holding onto his face and Woody...crying.

Michelle rushed Wes into the bathroom and held his head over the toilet so the blood will drip in, trying to get the story out of a tearful Woody, trying to get in touch with my parents who were at a church banquet (before cell phones, mind you), and consoling a little sister who literally thought her brother was dying.

Turns out, they had been playing football in Wes' room and threw the football too high. It crashed into the dome light and busted it into a million different pieces...one of those pieces went right through Wes' cheek. Several stitches and a few scoldings.

Or the time that he jumped off the roof of the house (he did that a lot) and pretended to be dead. He scared me so bad he promised never to do that again, as long as I didn't tell on him.

Or the time that Wes and I got in a huge fight over who would sit front and center of the TV. I ended up cracking a broomstick over his back and he dragged me around on the carpet on my stomach and gave me carpet burns. He got a big spanking for that one.

WHY DID OUR PARENTS EVER THINK IT WAS OK FOR US TO BE LEFT ALONE WITH EACH OTHER?!?!?!?!?

It wasn't all violent, I promise.

There is a really embarrassing home video of us and our "circus."

It was some sunny Saturday and Wes and I had been spending the day in the backyard. We decided to put together a "circus" for our parents. The "circus" consisted of Wes sliding down the zip line he and Dad had made from a crowbar handle and old wires and me...well, not doing anything talented but jumping off the 3 foot fence because I was MAYBE 6 years old.

We shared a playroom at one point. My half was COVERED in Barbies. We're talking giant house (built by my Uncle Bill and Grandaddy), at least 3 cars, furniture, clothes, dolls... He and his friend Blake liked to rip the heads off my Barbies and switch the heads around. (Have you ever seen a Barbie with her head put back on? She has no neck.) I would also find Barbie and Ken in...ahem...compromising positions.
He loved Erector and K-nex sets. The other half of the playroom was full of that stuff. He made a giant rollercoaster out of every. single. piece. of. Erector. set. We would get under it and pretend it was a spaceship/airplane/jungle jeep and go on adventures together.

We got to attend the same school when he was a senior and I was a 7th grader. We had the same lunch period. He embarrassed me on a daily basis...the only senior who would talk to his younger sibling.
He decided to entertain the lunch period by getting on stage in the cafetorium (look it up) and singing Limp Bizkit while his friends made a mosh pit below. I'm pretty sure he stage dived.

Then when he decided to run for Student Council president, he made ME his campaign manager to get the younger votes. I passed out these hysterical buttons with WCW wrestlers and stupid sayings on them that he and Dad had made. He won by a landslide.
You could purchase a "Candy Gram" for Valentine's Day for anyone in the school for $1. Mom made us buy one for each other. When they delivered his to my desk, it sat there on the corner of my desk, wrapped up in cellophane and curly ribbon. I took it home to him and presented it with glee. He turned red and admitted he'd eaten mine when he got the munchies in 3rd period. Mom made him march down to the drugstore (it was a very small town...one drugstore, one block away) and buy me LOTS of candy and a cute little dog stuffed animal with his own money. I still have the stuffed dog.

All in all, my brother is pretty awesome.

I lost my keys one weekend in Tuscaloosa, and Wes drove all the way to Montgomery from Dothan to bring my extra set, all so Mom wouldn't know. She does now, no worries.

He took me to lunch the day before I graduated high school and explained to me all the things I SHOULDN'T do in college.

He gave Ben a really hard time when he first met him. Kind of a "If you mess with my sister, I have really big friends and we will stalk you down and kill you" talk.

He spent my 21st birthday with me, which is the night that Ben asked Wes for permission to marry me. The next morning, he told me that Ben was a great guy and he would love for us to get married.

And then he walked me down the aisle.

Wes and I have been through so much together. We are 5 years apart and are just now getting to that "friendship" level, rather than just a big brother/little sister annoyance.

I love my brother and I consider him one of my heroes.

Thanks for being the greatest big brother in the world, Wes.

Even if you did put my Cabbage Patch doll, Fletch, on the blade of the ceiling fan and then turned the fan on.

Oh, and I apologize for locking you in your room in the house in Columbia so many times. I'm glad that you figured it out and switched the locks around.

RANDOM MUSIC MONDAY: This song will always remind of me my brother because every time we went to Pizza Hut, he would play this on the jukebox. :)

Old Blue Chair

I love my job.

I really do.

We have a lot of fun here and it's a super laid back office.

I get to keep Facebook/Blogger/Yahoo/Gmail open on my desktop all day long.

I'm on my lunchbreak - sitting at my desk eating hummus and chips and writing you this blog post.

But I really want to be here. Feel me?

It has been so gloomy and rainy and dark in Birmingham lately. I just want to escape to sand, sunshine, an icy beverage, and my husband in nothing but swim trunks.

Maybe we could break ourselves away from the shore to the quaint shops of this coastal town.

Someone would be playing steel drums in the background.

We would enjoy some spicy island food and make friends with the bartender who is American, but chose to live in this tropical locale - because he CAN.

We would mosey back to our turquoise blue Adirondack beach chairs. Ben would lay his down flat and make a pillow out of his tshirt so he could lay on his face. I would be armed with SPF 3249723847287, a good book, and an umbrella, digging my toes deep into the sand until I could feel coolness.

A cabana boy would come by and ask to refill my daiquiri...several times...

When the sun goes down, Ben and I would leave the beach for our private cabin and we would lay down together in the white hammock amid the green landscape, and we would drift asleep there, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.

I can taste the sea salt now.

RANDOM FUN FACT: I have new followers! YAY! If you are reading this blog, click the "follow" button. It's not hard.

God is in Control

Sometimes in life things happen that you never plan for.

When we were pulling into Atlanta on Monday night, Mom called me to tell Brittany and her 15-month old son, Shep, had been killed in a horrific car accident outside of their hometown.

Brittany dated a boy from my high school. Our senior year, she won Miss Ozark the same time I won Miss Houston County. We went to Troy together, where we pledged different sororities, but were picked for Freshmen Forum together.

We went to Miss National Peanut Festival together. Brittany, Kristen (Miss Dothan), Whitney (Miss Ashford), Courtney (Miss Walton County), some others and I all buddied up together throughout the week. We all kept each other sane through the pageant. We could have no contact with anyone from the outside world, so we became a family. We were each others hairdressers, stylists, and psychiatrists.

Brittany is third from the right on the bottom row, next to Kristen, who is next to me, on the end.

We cried together when we saw our fans standing outside the Civic Center while we boarded the bus. We laughed at the one girl who drove us NUTS. We complained to each other about how stressed we were and we were all just ready to go home.

And we cheered like crazy when Brittany won.

Brittany represented the best in each of us. She was smart, but relatable. She was charming, yet soft spoken. And, good grief, she was beautiful and her smile could light up a room.

She decided last minute to put her hair up for evening gown, saying, "My Mom is going to be so mad at me!" But she was stunning in that blue dress. She won over the crowd as we watched on closed circuit backstage by saying, during her onstage question, the moment she accepted Christ as her Savior was her proudest accomplishment.

When we did roll call on the bus after the pageant and they called Brittany's name, we all shouted, "She's not here!!!!!" because she was in the limo being escorted as the new Miss National Peanut Festival.

Brittany gave up her crown in 2005. She then went on to marry and have a beautiful son and a successful career as an elementary school teacher.

She touched so many lives in the short time she was here on Earth.

When Mom told me of the news Monday night, my first thoughts went to her husband. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that Clint is experiencing right now. To lose your wife and your son both in a matter of hours is incomprehensible unless you experience it. To know that they both had so much left to live is heartbreaking.

Many, many prayers have been lifted in the past few days for Brittany's family - prayers for peace, comfort, and strength. Thank our God that we all know Brittany's faith and that we will all see her again one day in Heaven.

Life is short.

I looked at Ben Monday night with new eyes, knowing that it could all be over in seconds, if that was God's will. I told him that I love him countless times, because each time could be the last time I tell him. I constantly touched his arm, held his hand, gave him kisses, or hugged him, because I never want to forget the feeling of him. I do not want to imagine life without him. I cannot fathom him not being beside me for the plans we have made. I do not want to know the pain of losing him, especially when he has so much left to give. I do not want him to experience this pain, either.

I know that life in Heaven is so much greater than life here on Earth, but I want to savor every bit here that the Lord allows me to have.

Lord, may we never forget that You are in control of all things - including life and death. We know that all things come from You, and Your plan is greater than any plan we could have for ourselves. Thank you for the comfort in knowing that we as Christians will be with You in eternity, along with all those who have passed before us who claim You as their Savior.

Brittany, thank you for shedding your light on those you touched. We will never forget you.

Welcome to Atlanta

So much to fit in just one post!

I may just break it into two.

Put your reading shoes on!

First things first, Monday night was our interview with the ABI (Alabama Bureau of Investigations) agent for the State Troopers!

It was a BREEZE.

He sat in the chair and told us about the Academy and answered all the questions we had.

He also said that Ben has a "squeaky clean" background and is on track to start the Academy in June!

I have NEVER been more proud of my husband as I was that night. After the ABI Agent left, I practically jumped into Ben's arms and cried like a baby. I am just so proud that he is seen by someone else besides me to be an outstanding man!

Sad day though, because he told us that we wouldn't find out if the Troopers are moving us until only a few weeks before he FINISHES the Academy, not before he goes. So, the waiting game continues.

After the interview, we hopped in the car and headed to Atlanta for our mini-vacay!

As we pulled into Atlanta, my mother called to tell me a friend of mine from some time ago was killed in a car wreck with her 15-month old son. A few tears spilled out for her husband. More on that in another blog post.

We checked into the Loews late Monday night and had a wonderful evening, minus the neighbors that came in the room next to us banging around at 2:30am.

The next morning, we woke up to no hot water in the room and had to switch rooms to take showers. No biggie.

Then we headed to Johnny Rockets for lunch!

YUM!

I love the nostalgia of Johnny Rockets. It just makes me feel like I've stepped back in time.

After a yummy lunch and Ben was armed with a milkshake, we headed to the Georgia Aquarium! I've already been here once, so I won't bore you with pictures of fish.

But it was so fun and I am always reminded of how big our God is while looking at these HUGE and tiny fish. Not a single one the same.

And then the chick that works at the Aquarium asked if I knew what I was taking a picture of as I snapped away at the catfish.

I'm from Alabama. I know what a catfish is.

After we finished up at the Aquarium, we took a quick cookie break in the park.

Then we changed clothes, figured out we'd left Ben's tennis shoes, my motorcycle boots, and Ben's Northface in the hotel, called the hotel and they said they had not found them (they since have), and headed to the LAKERS v. HAWKS GAME!!!!!!

The Lakers are Ben's all time favorite team and Kobe Bryant is his all time favorite player. I rule as a wife and bought him these tickets for Christmas!

We were in the presence of greatness last night as we breathed the same air as these champions. Kobe Bryant. Andrew Bynum. Pau Gasol. Ron Artest. Phil Jackson.

JULIUS FREAKING ERVING was sitting courtside.

A dream come true. My husband was on cloud nine.

Gasol and Bynum both double-doubled.

Kobe Bryant broke Moses Malone's record and is now listed as 6th on the all time scoring chart! We got to watch that!

On top of that, the Lakers WON!!!!! It was a great game and we were exhausted afterwards.

Then, we yelled at Wells Farchovia on the phone for about 2 hours because they told us we didn't have any money in our account when we did and we were stuck in downtown Atlanta with our car in a parking garage.

Thankfully, the Lord sent us an angel who gave us $10 to get out of the parking garage.

We finally got home last night around 1:00. The worst/best mini-vacay of my life!

RANDOM TRIVIA FACT: Apparently, there are no CVS/Walgreens type quick stores in downtown Atlanta.

I'm So Excited...and I just can't hide it...

PRAYERS PLEASE!!!!!

Tonight is the night the Troopers come to my house!

Pray for nerves to be calmed, questions to be answered, and that they will see how great my husband truly is!

And then we're on the road to Atlanta for the LAKERS GAME TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!!!

RANDOM PLUG: If you're in Dothan this week, head to SEACT's production of Footloose! I got to watch rehearsals this weekend and it's AWESOME. I'm pretty partial to the orchestra, stage crew, and lighting crew...some of my favorite people are there!