Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

We've known about you for over 12 weeks now. I won't ever forget how excited I was to see the word "pregnant" on the test, or the look on your Daddy's face when I screamed from the bathroom door, "WE'RE PREGNANT!"

I've begged your Daddy for you for about a year. He told me, "After a while," and "when we're both ready." The truth is, nobody is ever ready. It's just when the timing was right for both of us.

We'll find out if you're a boy or a girl on the 29th of this month. If you're a boy, you'll be Jakob Paul, and we'll call you Jake. If you're a girl, you'll be Maggie Grace. I can't WAIT to find out so I can begin preparing for you to come home. You'll need clothes and toys. We have to decorate a nursery and hang your name on the wall. Will your bedding be blue or pink?

Your grandparents are so excited about you. They're all going to be there on the 29th to see your little face. We've seen you once before, but you were just a peanut. Now we'll see your nose, your eyes, your fingers, your toes.

I can't wait to kiss those toes.

Your heartbeat is what amazes me every time. It's strong and fast. Your Daddy says that you must be like me - feisty. But hearing that little heartbeat helps reassure me that you're OK in there. You're living and growing and getting stronger, so that when you do come home, you'll be healthy and happy.

I can't wait to find out who you are - who you look like, what your personality is like, and who you grow up to be.

Will you look more like Daddy or like me?

We know you'll have blue eyes because both Daddy and I do. But I hope you get Dad's eyes - his are the most beautiful blue color you've ever seen. But will you have my red hair or Dad's brown hair? Everyone says red, and I secretly pray that you do. You'll be tall, with really ugly toes. Sorry - both Dad and I are cursed with ugly toes. And I hope the Bankston skinny genes creep up in you. Otherwise, you may end up with the Benson butt.

Will you act more like Daddy or like me?

Your dad is laid back and easy going. I'm energetic and a little high strung. Maybe you'll be a combination of both. I feel sorry for Daddy if you're more like me - he will have to handle two of us.

Who will you grow up to be?

You could be anybody. You could be a teacher, a business owner, or a janitor. You could be President. You could be a missionary. You could aspire to be like your Dad and join the police force, or another civil service. I just hope you're happy and and you are the best you can be.

I feel so lucky already to be your Mom. The Lord has richly blessed us by sending you to us. He already knows who you are, and He picked your Dad and me to raise you because we are the best parents for you. I will always feel honored to be chosen to be your Mom.

I hope to teach you all you need to know. I want to encourage you to be your best self. I want to teach you to be respectful, caring, and thoughtful. I want you to be strong and courageous. I want to teach you to seek the Lord and live by His Word. I want to help you find how you are gifted, and use those gifts to pursue your purpose in life.

Most of all, I want to be those things for you. I want to be a role model for you to look up to. I want to show God's love, not just talk about it. I want to be an open door for questions and conversations. I want to always be there for you and I hope you never feel like I'm not.

Because I am.

I have been entrusted with your life. I am going to make mistakes along the path. But I am going to be the best Mommy I can be for you. I will hold you and kiss you every chance I get, even when you're a teenager and are too cool for my kisses. I will encourage you to make your own decisions, but I will discipline you when your decisions are not the best. I will give you what you need, but I will make you earn what you want.

There are going to be days that you hate me. We are going to fight and I am going to ground you. You are going to pout and we're both going to say things we'll regret. But I am doing these things because I love you. You'll realize that later in life.

There are going to be days when we'll be best friends. I hope those are days that will live in your memory and you can pull from them when I'm gone.

I love you already, Baby P. And I will love you forever.

Love, Your Mom