Dear Brooke Allen

YAY! I'm back!

And I sold this!

And this!

And several more! Check out my Etsy shop for more!

I'm super excited about these awesome things! I've got a loooooong list of more I want to make! Ben has been so amazing cutting them out with his jigsaw! Several women asked, "Who cuts them out for you?"

I said, "My dear sweet husband. He got a new power tool!"

They said, "He does a great job!"

It's always nice to brag on your spouse. :)

Anyways, so that's over. I made a little cash money to save up for when Ben is unemployed for a month or two (blech) and if it keeps up, it definitely could be a lucrative side business! Lots of women took my card to email me for custom orders!

Tonight, I'm taking a break. No housework. No painting. No nothing but playing with Charlotte and my new phone (I bought one from Ebay!).

I lie. I may actually fold a little laundry before bed. Only because we need it so badly! I seriously haven't done a lick of housework in weeks but just picking up here and there. Our house is disgusting.

Tomorrow.

NEXT POST IN 30 DAYS OF TRUTH:

I am a rebel, and I don't want to do 3 & 4 tonight, because they are depressing and I don't want to be depressing tonight. I am going to skip to Day 5.

SOMETHING YOU HOPE TO DO IN YOUR LIFE.

We've been married for over 2 years now.

I am DYING to be a mother.

But we can't have kids right now. Life is way to uncertain to even think about starting a family. We cannot afford pregnancy during job transitions - moving and money are too much. I cannot be pregnant while Ben is in police academy - I will be a basketcase. I cannot even THINK about starting a new job with a baby in my belly - who would want to hire me?

Too much uncertainty to have a baby.

But everywhere I look, there are babies and kids and baby clothes and strollers and everything else that goes along with babies. It feels like everybody I freaking KNOW is having a baby. New baby pictures on Facebook. Look at my cute kid.

Baby baby BABY.

I think I have baby fever.

I know when the time comes, it will be perfect and wonderful and I will love it, but I just wish it were sooner rather than later. What's even scarier is that Ben and I are on the same page about this. We BOTH want kids now, but know we aren't able to. Everyone in the family is asking, "When are you two gonna have a baby?" WE KNOW! IT'S TIME!

So, that's my one thing. I hope to be a mother.

I was never one of those girls who felt like her whole goal in life was to be a wife and mother. I wanted to be accomplished in my career before all that happened. But then I met Ben and WHOOSH! He changed my mind.

I would give anything to be a stay at home wife and mother. Wake up every day and take care of the household, pay the bills, run the errands, change the diapers, cook the food and do everything here so Ben doesn't have to do anything but work and be a father to our kids. I would be great at that.

In this day and age, with the careers that we've chosen, this dream is more than likely not possible. We would not be able to afford everything we enjoy PLUS a baby or two without both of our jobs, or Ben working so much that he would never be home. So I will have to be a mother like my mom was - a working mother. My kids will be latchkey kids and will spend afternoons in daycare. I can handle that. My brother and I turned out just fine.

Then there's the underlying fear like what if I can't HAVE kids? What if there's a medical issue that we don't know about that we won't find out about until we start to try to have a family? I will be devastated! I know there are other option out there in case of the odd chance that this happens, but I'm not sure that I want to go through all that. I don't know if I want to put my body through in-vetro and other medical procedures.

Pretty sure I'd skip all that and go straight for adoption. There are so many children who just need someone to love them. I could do that. I can provide some children with a home that they would otherwise never have.

Or could I be content with just Ben and a few pets for the rest of our lives? I don't think so. I think I need that extra slice of the pie to fulfill what I am supposed to do with my life.

I need a Jakob Allen Parrish, Benjamin Owen Parrish, Maggie Grace Parrish, or Layla Beth Parrish in my house.

Random Question: Sister Wives - WWWWHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTT???????? I knew polygamy existed, but seeing it like this is so bizarre that I have caught myself literally watching this show with my jaw dropped. I can't handle it. No other woman will touch my man.