Learning Who I Am as Your Mommy

I haven't blogged in a while.

My only excuse is that we lost the cord that connects the phone to the computer.  I pretty much only take pictures of you on my phone.

Gone are the days of the camera.  I'm so glad we got iPhones about a month before you were born.  

Anyways, I found the cord randomly in my car/junk bin.

So now I'm back to writing to you.  :)  I totally missed your four month post, so I'll combine your four and five month post in a few days.

Sigh.  You're almost five months old.

In the short span of your almost five month life, I have learned so much about you.

I know exactly how you like to be held, how to put you to sleep, what your hungry cues are.  I can predict almost down to the minute when you'll have a poopy diaper.  I can sense a meltdown about five minutes before your lip starts to tremble.  I know every inch of your body and could spot your tushie in a line up of 100 cute little baby tushies.

I know you.

But what is even more amazing is that in this short five months, I have learned so much about myself and what I believe to be true.  Things that I think you should know in the event that one day you become a mother.

And I become a grandmother.  Oh gag.

1. I've learned how far my body can be pushed in pain and how resilient it is to bounce back.  I also learned when to take the drugs.  Your body will do amazing things when it comes time to have a baby.  

2. A mother's intuition is a real thing.  From the moment I held you for the first time, it was like a tiny lightbulb switched on.  I just knew what to do.  It was as if I'd been your mother forever.

3. I am so impressed with God and his ability to create and love unconditionally.  I am convinced that you are the most perfect creation that ever existed.  He made you from a thought.  He has planned from the beginning of time to give you to me and your daddy.  And as much as I love you, He loves you even more.  Mind blowing.

4. I cannot stop doing something that makes you giggle.  If it makes you giggle right now, it might not make you giggle tomorrow.  So I make you giggle until you stop because I never want to miss one single giggle from your sweet belly.

5. I find great pride in you.  Whenever people tell me how beautiful you are or how sweet you are, even though I already know it, I beam with pride.  There's something special in other people notice just how wonderful you really are.

6. I've learned to never say never.  Things you say you'll never do as a parent will fly out the window in a moment of desperation.  Now I just laugh at how naive I was going into this whole parenting deal.

7.  My parenting motto is "roll with the punches and have no regrets."  You are a bundle of confusion because you change every day.  I try to be as laid back as possible in raising you, knowing that you don't care at all about my schedule.

8. I've learned to never ever EVER listen to what other people say (except your pediatrician, of course). People you know, even strangers, will try to offer parenting advice.  They are very quick to judge your decisions and speak their criticism.  People have no filter around new mothers.  Your GiGi told me right before she left after spending the first two weeks with us, "She is YOUR baby.  Do what you feel is right."  That resounds in my head every time somebody tells me what "worked for their baby."  What worked for them may not work for you.  So I smile and move on.  We're doing just fine without everyone's input.

9.  I've learned to accept help when it is offered.  Never turn down a friend who wants to bring you dinner.  Never turn down your mother when she says, "I'll give her a bottle."  And never turn down a relative who wants to give you gas money.

10.  I've learned to relish in you.  Whenever I am with you, I try to soak up as much of you as possible.  The dishes can wait.  Your snuggles cannot.

11.  I am so much more in love with your daddy than I ever was before.

12.  I've learned that I am home to you.  Just today, you had to come to my work because Lily was running a fever and we didn't have a backup plan.  I tried everything I could to get you to nap quietly in my office, but you just wouldn't.  So I laid you on me, and rocked you a bit in my desk chair (thank goodness for a rocking desk chair) and you went right to sleep.  You weren't familiar with my office, but you were familiar with me.  I am what makes you comfortable.  I pray you never lose that.

13.  I've learned to appreciate my mother so much more.  Somehow the two children she raised turned out to be contributing members of society.  I see now just how hard that is.

14.  Being your mommy is the greatest thing I've ever done, will ever do, and is my proudest accomplishment.

15.  I've learned that I would go to the ends of the earth for you.  I will go hungry, I will beat up a bully, I will go to jail, and I will jump in front of a train to make sure that you are happy and healthy and safe.  And I've never been so sure of something in my life.

16.  I will do absolutely anything to make you smile.  I've danced, I've made funny voices, I've blown raspberries on your belly, and I've sang Call Me Maybe more times than I can count.  Anything to see that beautiful big grin.

One day, you are going to be a mother.  You are going to understand all of this.  Then you are going to say to me, "Wow, Mom.  I get it."

And I will smile and say, "Yes, baby.  I know."

And then I will know that my job is done.